Human relationships are paradoxical, often filled with love and friction, attachment and detachment. The observation that “We hate those whom we live with and love those who are far away from us” resonates deeply with the human condition. Hinduism, with its rich philosophical traditions and scriptures, offers profound insights into this phenomenon. This blog post explores the Hindu perspective on such dualities through teachings from the Bhagavad Gita, Srimad Bhagavata Purana, Upanishads, and the wisdom of sages and modern thinkers.
The Nature of Relationships and Human Mind
Hindu scriptures emphasize that relationships mirror the state of our inner mind. In the Bhagavad Gita (Chapter 6, Verse 5), Lord Krishna advises:
“A man must elevate himself by his own mind, not degrade himself. The mind is the friend of the conditioned soul, and his enemy as well.”
The mind’s restlessness often projects dissatisfaction onto those closest to us. Living in close proximity exposes individuals to each other’s flaws and idiosyncrasies. On the other hand, physical distance allows idealization of those far away, free from daily irritations.
Ego and Closeness
The root of hatred towards those we live with often lies in the ego. In familial and close relationships, the ego clashes due to constant interaction. Ashtavakra, the sage of the Ashtavakra Gita, states:
“When there is no ‘mine’, no ‘thine’, no ‘ego’, then no conflict arises. True love dawns only in egolessness.”
The ego thrives on division and comparison. Familiarity magnifies faults and fuels resentment, while distance mitigates these factors, allowing the heart to yearn and idealize.
Attachment and Aversion in Hindu Philosophy
The Srimad Bhagavata Purana elaborates on attachment (raga) and aversion (dvesha) as inherent dualities of human life. In the story of King Yayati, we see how attachment and indulgence lead to dissatisfaction. Yayati’s attachment to pleasures made him resentful and distant from his own family. This story teaches that unchecked attachment can lead to aversion, and relationships suffer as a result.
Similarly, Lord Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita (Chapter 2, Verse 62) warns:
“From attachment arises desire, from desire comes anger, and from anger, delusion. Delusion leads to the loss of memory, and from loss of memory, the destruction of intelligence. With the destruction of intelligence, one perishes.”
These teachings highlight how attachment and the unfulfilled expectations it generates create discord, especially among those who are close.
The Concept of Maya and Projection
Hindu philosophy frequently discusses maya (illusion) as a force that distorts reality. The closeness to someone often blinds us to their virtues while magnifying their faults. This illusion creates a cycle of dissatisfaction. Swami Sivananda remarks:
“The mind tricks you into seeing faults in others, but a purified heart sees only divinity.”
Those who are distant remain shrouded in a veil of idealization, untouched by the mundane conflicts of daily interaction.
Stories from Hindu Scriptures
The Ramayana offers a poignant example of this phenomenon in the relationship between Kaikeyi and Lord Rama. Despite her initial love and admiration for Rama, proximity to palace intrigues and manipulation by her maid, Manthara, caused her to act out of hatred and jealousy. However, in Lord Rama’s exile, Kaikeyi’s remorse highlights how distance can bring clarity and rekindle love.
In the Mahabharata, the Pandavas and Kauravas illustrate another aspect. Their close familial ties could not prevent enmity born out of jealousy, ego, and competition. Yet, even in conflict, the Pandavas’ respect for Bhishma and Drona underscores how love can persist despite differences.
The Role of Dharma
Hinduism emphasizes dharma (righteous duty) as the foundation of relationships. When individuals align their interactions with dharma, the duality of love and hate is transcended. Swami Chinmayananda notes:
“Living a life of dharma purifies the heart. A pure heart loves all, near or far, equally.”
By adhering to dharma, individuals can navigate the challenges of close relationships with patience and understanding, minimizing conflict and fostering harmony.
Modern Thinkers on Love and Relationships
Swami Vivekananda frequently spoke of universal love and the necessity of transcending ego to maintain harmony in relationships. He said:
“The moment I have realized God sitting in the temple of every human body, the moment I stand in reverence before every human being and see God in them, that moment I am free from bondage, everything that binds vanishes, and I am free.”
This perspective encourages us to see divinity in those near us, preventing the rise of hatred.
Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev provides a contemporary perspective, explaining that human relationships often suffer because individuals seek fulfillment externally:
“The more you try to extract happiness from someone, the more disappointed you will be. Joy arises from within, and only then can you truly love those around you.”
The Transformative Power of Self-Realization
The Upanishads emphasize self-realization as the key to harmonious relationships. The Isha Upanishad declares:
“He who sees all beings in his own self, and his own self in all beings, loses all fear and hatred.”
When we recognize the oneness of all existence, the duality of love and hate dissolves. Ramana Maharshi reiterates:
“When there is no ‘other,’ whom can you hate? Love arises naturally when the ego dissolves.”
Practical Applications for Harmonious Relationships
Hindu teachings provide several practices to overcome hatred and cultivate love in relationships:
Meditation and Mind Control: Regular meditation calms the mind and reduces ego-driven conflicts.
Seva (Selfless Service): Acts of selfless service purify the heart and foster unconditional love.
Bhakti (Devotion): Developing devotion towards the Divine helps transfer our expectations from people to God, easing interpersonal tensions.
Jnana (Wisdom): Studying scriptures like the Bhagavad Gita helps understand the transient nature of conflicts and relationships.
Introspection: Reflecting on one’s own flaws rather than others’ fosters humility and understanding.
Hinduism offers profound insights into the paradox of loving those far away while hating those close. The teachings of the Gita, Upanishads, and sages illuminate that the root of this phenomenon lies in the ego, attachment, and ignorance of the self. By practicing dharma, cultivating self-awareness, and embracing the oneness of existence, individuals can transcend these dualities. True love, as Hinduism teaches, is not bound by proximity or distance but arises from a purified heart that sees the divine in all beings.